Stephan J. Guyenet, PhD

The science of body weight and health

My new favorite juicer

by

***April Fools post***

Let’s face it: most juicers are terrible.  They’re complicated, hard to clean, expensive, and they break down.  Worst of all, from a nutritional standpoint they waste important nutrients, especially fiber.  What if there were a juicer that solved all these problems at once?  I’ve finally found it: the IllaMAX 3000.

The IllaMAX 3000 juices apples, celery, berries, kale, and all my favorite nutrient-packed foods with ease.  It can even make smoothies!  You get the delicious juice, plus all the nutritional benefits of the fiber.  And you don’t end up having to throw away the leftover pulp because all it’s in the juice.  How can this be possible?

Two other remarkable facts about the IllaMAX 3000.  First, unlike other juicers, it’s self-cleaning, so you’ll never have to clean out the pulp again.  Second, it’s so incredibly durable it can last up to 122 years.

This might seem too good to be true, but it’s made possible by some very advanced technology:

  • Rock-hard hydroxylapatite grinding stones are built for a lifetime of use
  • Two powerful mechanical levers apply crushing and grinding force to the stones
  • A reliable peristaltic pump collects the juice
A diagram of some of the key components of the IllaMax 3000

You won’t believe the price.  Not $199.99.  Not $99.99.  Not even $49.99.  But absolutely FREE!  In fact, you may even already have one installed!

“The IllaMAX 3000 is a beast!”  -Mark Twain

April Fools!

Comments

  4. My IllaMAX 3000 has problems with fiber being trapped in the grinding apparatus.

  7. The only problem is excessive fruit juicing does corrode the top surface of the grinding stones

  8. optimal maintenance is limited to vitamin D pills, some liver, some natto, milk. but regrettably, once parts are damaged, they can not be replaced, only patched.